I’ve got some interesting thoughts about homosexuality and the church. I know, I know – we’ve all been there, aired our grievances about the other party and walked away unresolved. There is no place for homosexuality in the church and no place for the church in a homosexual’s life. Right?
So here’s the wrench in that very simple statement. What if you’re not gay? What if you just think you are or are disenchanted with your real purpose in life? This is why neither groups, the church or the gay community, can shut each other out.
Ok my same gender loving friends out there – don’t get all defensive on me – hear me out. According to webmd.com “Most scientists today agree that sexual orientation (including homosexuality and bisexuality) is the result of a combination of environmental, emotional, hormonal, and biological factors.”
I believe there are different types of gay people out there. There are homosexuals – those whose hormonal and biological factors lead them towards homosexuality; they believe they are born that way. These are the people who are focused on creating a solid, monogamous relationship with someone in the same gender; typically have a life partner, adopt children in need, and do overall good in their communities.
I believe there are the sexually impure – engaging in homosexuality does not necessarily make these people impure – it is the rampant promiscuity with male, female, and anything in between. This post is not for you - Get thee to a nunnery!
Then there are people who choose, yes they choose to be gay. They choose to be accepted by a group that has the duality of a position on the social fringe of our culture while also squarely placed on the pulse of pop society. Ok my gay friends, please again bear with me; and church folks don’t cheer just yet – you’re not off the hook. I can hear the question – Why would anyone choose to be gay? Well the answer is similar to why anyone would choose to be Goth, or a drug addict. Not saying that homosexuality is in the same vein as being Goth or an addict – it is much more serious. So let me put some science behind this…
There is a long list of psychology references that talk about the affects of rejection and the psyche. To sum it all up – those who feel rejected will naturally seek for some type of method to be affiliated with others. One of those methods is caused “Behaviorial Mimicry”. An experiment at Drew and Duke Universities had the following results – “These results suggest that people may be able to address belongingness needs that have been threatened by exclusion by mimicking the behaviors of others, even though mimicry happens without intention, awareness, or conscious control.”
So to the Pastors and Ministers out there – in laymen’s terms hose young people in your churches who seem to be gravitating to the dark side – you know, the same gender loving side, may just be exhibiting signs of exclusion. And according to human nature a person who is excluded is going to find a place to fit in. Aligning yourself with the homosexual community automatically makes you untouchable and unquestionable. This protected group of people cannot be classified or verified. It’s not like being a race minority that can be verified with DNA or sometimes by simply looking at your features. There is no measurable indication of your belongingness to this group – like say being poor. We can count the money you have we can’t really determine the amount of comfort you get out of being attracted to the same sex.
Ok that was deep – I say all of that to make these points:
- Everyone who is claiming to be gay – may not actually be gay – they may just be looking for a place to fit in.
- There are different types of homosexuals
- Some people we have labeled as gay – haven’t even engaged in any actual same sex sexual activity
- Exclusion is not the only reason why someone may want to pursue the same sex – remember there are hormonal, biological, environmental and emotional reasons. Check out the biological ones.
- Getting this wrong has grave consequences.
So say your teenage son is going through a tough time, feeling like they are not fitting in, girls are not interested, and most of the other dudes in his class are thugs or promiscuously pursuing everything with a skirt (here I mean female – you have to be specific nowadays). He’s being taken to church each week where women are wailing and sobbing, there are 3 women for every man, and he’s told to worship a male figure God without seeing it modeled. At the same time there is a sense of freedom that the gay community allows – even the one in the church (oh yes there is a gay community in the church). It answers all the questions of why I feel like I don’t belong, why I don’t feel “it” like others, oh and why I like to sing.
So your teenage son starts to hang with a certain group, perm his hair, wear a certain type of clothing, and pay more attention to the label a girl is wearing than what she is wearing. Say this change happens within 6 months. Now he’s gay. Now’s he’s cut off, now he’s being told he’s a demon, now he’s considered less of a man, now he has a black mark on him that makes it difficult to re-enter a heterosexual relationship. 6 months of this fad has charted a new course for him, he can’t go back to being heterosexual cause he’s been “tainted”. Now he forges ahead as a gay man. Or maybe he tries the life of a heterosexual man, gets married, has a family. But the first time that self esteem starts to feel excluded – it will cling to the “you are gay” mantra to rationalize the pain and become on the down low.
I don’t have answers on how we fix this – all I know is that each person is individual and different. Church, we can’t throw the baby out with the bath water and to the “real Gay community” – don’t take in all the strays – you may be doing more harm than good.
rently not
